Fuck You Louisiana! - The Deridder Pizza Hut Chronicles

I dont regularly eat fast food, but when i do it tends to be pizza. Pizza Hut has always been the most convenient and, having no major issues at first, i ordered most of my junk food from them. Unfortunately, the slips ups have become more and more noticeable in the last 6 months. It started subtley with somewhat lukewarm food and the occasional asshole delivery guy. It has since transformed into something else entirely.

The final straw for me was an order i placed online; apparently the delivery drivers car was in the shop so i has to pick my food up from the store. Normally this would be trivial. Shit happens, whatever.

My issue is that they didnt call me until 10 minutes after the food was suppose to be delivered.

So anyway, i get into my car and drive to the store. The parking lot was jam packed, so i had to go through the drive thru which fortunately (i thought) only had two other cars ahead of me. Things went downhill fast.

It took almost 20 minutes to get through those two cars. Not only that, but the gate to the dumpster was left wide open blocking the lane next to the drive thru which, after moving out of the way a number of times, i got out and muscles shut myself.

When i finally did get to the window, my food was ice cold. I conplained to the manage and was told i had to submit all complaints to them online in order to get a refund, since i had paid online with a credit card.

Fuck You Louisiana, and your little Pizza Hut too

On the war in Afghanistan...

In the last decade, it has become more and more complicated to describe what is going on in Afghanistan. Here is the best explanation of the current state of Operation Enduring Freedom I could find:

"a war begun for no wise purpose, carried on with a strange mixture of rashness and timidity, brought to a close after suffering and disaster, without much glory attached either to the government which directed, or the great body of troops which waged it. Not one benefit, political or military, was acquired with this war. Our eventual evacuation of the country resembled the retreat of an army defeated”

Now, you may say "Wait a second... we haven't even started evacuating Afghanistan. Who the hell are you quoting there?"

Simple. It's a quote from the memoirs of Chaplain G.H Gleig of the 44th regiment of Foot of her majesties British Army. He wrote those words in 1843 in reference to the first Anglo-Afghan war. His words carry a timeless quality that reverberates through every other conflict that has occurred in that country before and since, and we would do well do learn by the example left for us in our history books.

Now, I don't consider myself an anti-war person, nor do I see myself as a war hawk. I believe we invaded Afghanistan with good reason after 9/11, but in the last decade we have lost both the focus we need to achieve a lasting victory as well as the fortitude to do what needs to be done, regardless of what kind of bad press it generates. It's time to stop pussy footing around and start stomping some faces.

Louisiana Residents

Is it really all that difficult to be on time? Or be prepared? Apparently it is for people in Louisiana. Today, I will be spotlighting one such incident on 'Fuck You Louisiana!'

If someone responds to your ad on craigslist or wherever, and you set up a time and place to meet, it is generally considered pretty simple to show up on time. Unless you live in Louisiana. In that case, you show up 20 minutes late. In addition, you also tell me that you didn't bring exact change because you where never intending on paying my asking price (notice how they think its an asking price; its not. It's the price, damn it!). This adds another 20 fucking minutes to what should have only taken 5 at the most. So in summary...

Fuck You Louisiana!
Sincerely, me

 Dear Libertychicklive (youtube username),

We hope you burn in hell. If there is any justice in the universe, 30 dudes will break down that door behind you and rape your asshole.

Sincerely,
The Troops

---

Seriously, who the fuck do you think you are? Are you that one chick who listens to every word her college professors say and then spout it on youtube later? If you want to blame someone for the faults of the military industrial complex, maybe you should blame the fucking military industrial complex! Leave the average military member out of it.

About Fucking Time!

It still pisses me off that they keep referring to this asshole as the "accused" Fort Hood shooter. Sorry, but if 40 people fucking saw you do it, then YOU FUCKING DID IT! HE IS THE FUCKING FORT HOOD SHOOTER!

Anyhwho, he's now facing the death penalty! Hurray! This calls for a....

Seriously America?

 My facebook is now inundated with people posting in outrage about the Casey Anthony verdict. I've avoided mentioning it before, and this is going to be my only comment on the subject for a number of reasons. Here goes...

Our legal system is built on the idea that all suspects are innocent until proven guilty. It is therefore the burden of the state to provide sufficient evidence that someone has clearly committed a crime. If the prosecution fails to find enough evidence, or as in this case, goes to trial before sufficient evidence has been found then the suspect (more times than not) goes free. In this case, the only evidence to support Casey killing her daughter was circumstantial at best. While I think there is a high likelihood that she did it (who else? did OJ sneak in and do it?) there simply is not enough physical proof to connect the dots with enough certainty to convince a jury.

At the end of the day, without any credible material witnesses, the prosecution cannot prove that a murder has occurred. At that point, they are left with a dead child who's demise was not reported for an excessive amount of time. This still plays into a conviction of wrong doing (as evidenced by the juries findings), but is much less satisfying for the grandparents in particular, but also the news-hungry mainstream media (as well as the rest of us ravenous devourers of current events).

At the end of the day, it is the news media that takes the blame for pushing this case to trial before a strong case could be built. With so much public outcry, the prosecution was forced to present a less-than-perfect picture of a horrifying criminal act that (had they had more time and less pressure) might have lead to a murder 1 conviction and a chance for Ms. Anthony to ride the lightning.

Fuck You Louisiana! A Fourth of July Special!

 This special fourth of July edition of 'Fuck You Louisiana!!' is dedicated to a select number of residents in DeRidder, LA who demonstrated this very topic over the weekend.

First off, let me say that there is a difference between rednecks and white trash. What is it you say?Well, it's very simple: We both enjoy shooting guns. The difference ends when our white trash brethren decide to fire theirs into the air. On the Sunday night before the fourth of July. In the middle of a residential neighborhood.

Put the fucking shotgun away, ok cooter? Save it for duck season out on the bayou where the only people you can maim will be you and your dumb ass buddies.

Fuck you Louisiana!
sincerely, me

This Just In!!!

Kim Kardashians butt is not fake! Now she faces the arduous task of proving that the rest of her persona is real as well...

AAFES Prices OCONUS and in Deployed Locations

Straight up dude, they fucking suck. It does not cost you $45 to get a tub of whey protein to Manas. Stop calculating your gas prices once a month when its changing every day. Come to think of it, how can you tell us your selling gas tax free when you calculate your own prices based on stateside gas prices that include sales tax. So if you base prices off of average prices with tax, aren't you just taking advantage of us?  Fuck You. The only reason people put up with it is because its marginally cheaper than German or Brit gas.

FUCK YOU AAFES
sincerely, me

Fort Polk AAFES Gun Counter

 I guess this doesn't fall into my normal 'Fuck You Louisiana, so I'm giving it its own segment.... "FUCK YOU AAFES!!!".

I've had a couple of dealings with the gun counter at the local aafes establishment and have come to this conclusion: government wages do not buy subject matter experts. My first major issue was when the clerk at the counter tried to tell me that the sight on my special ordered H7R handi rifle was not missing, but in fact was intended to be mounted with a scope. Funny thing was, it had a front sight on it already and holes where the rear sight should have been mounted. Strange how that works out... Anyway, since I had to put money down to get the thing ordered in the first place (and was planning on putting a scope on it anyway) I dropped a complaint in the feedback box and left it at that. Didn't help that deer season was only a efw weeks away and I couldn't wait any longer to get into my load development.

Next incident involved a Taurus pistol. In this case, they let me hold the display model, but not the one in the box that I was actually taking home. Little bit paranoid, but in the wake of the shootings at Ft Hood I guess I understand. Not the end of the world. Get the thing home however, and no one has even bothered to clean the thing off a little. There was so much grease on this gun, I had to break out a whole roll of paper towels to get the thing cleaned up. Not a massive issue, but still an attention to detail thing that should have been addressed at the store (some on, every other gun place I have been to around here cleans their shit before selling it, and this is fucking Louisiana!! Should be ashamed of yourselves AAFES...).

Last straw was the new clerk at the counter trying to explain the merits of the .22lr in a home defense scenario. I know that gun counter folks are wide ranging and tell all kinds of tales, but that's seriously bordering on the irresponsible. The last thing I want is for some random army wife to get into a situation where she thinks that little .22 is going to save her life and it doesn't follow through (because I'm telling your right now, 95 out of 100 times its going to be insufficient). Anyway, long story short, I'm taking my business somewhere else (Like Nichols). Shits sake, I'll even go back to Star Pawn or Walmart before I go back to the Px.

FUCK YOU AAFES!
sincerely, me

AT&T Wireless of Western Louisiana

In a rare double-whammy edition of 'Fuck You Louisiana!' I will be exploring the merits (or in fact, the lack there of) of AT&T Wireless in the central and especially western portion of Louisiana. Now don't get me wrong, every other cell service has garbage service out here, but AT&T is the only one who boasts of having decent service; at least Verizon and the rest can be honest that they don't serve this nasty ass hick region.

We waited 8 months of the last year with garbage phone service because AT&T swore they where installing 3G for the area. One year later, my phone has started saying "3G AT&T", but it's funny... service is just as slow and crappy as it ever was. They offered us a 3G Microcell (basically a mini hot spot that runs off your internet), but it hogs up so much of my already slow internet (see previous rant about suddenlink) that I have to make a decision between internet/Netflix on my xbox or good cell service. This is bullshit people; utter bullshit. Is it really that hard to install sufficient cell phone towers in an area to provide good service? Or have you been serving Lousiana for so long that you've started to take advantage of people like everyone else in this godforsaken shithole of a state? Anyway, I digress.

Fuck You Louisiana!
sincerely, me

Suddenlink Cable and Internet, Deridder Louisiana

Hurray for another edition of 'Fuck You Louisiana!'. Today, I dedicate my time to Suddenlink cable internet and phone service. Basically, its the only option for internet and cable TV that doesn't involve a satellite dish. Unfortunately, the service is still pretty ghetto; lots of channels that either don't work or are insanely pixilated, crappy customer service, and prices that (while better than satellite) border on the obscene when you consider how crappy the hook up is. Internet is technically DSL, but speeds are closer to old school dial up; I don't know if its because Louisiana's infrastructure is a byzantine piece of shit, but it still sucks. So in summary, while Suddenlink is the least crappy of all the options in western Louisiana, its still ghetto as all hell.

Fuck You Louisiana!
Sincerely, me

Deridder Walmart Patrons

In this episode of 'Fuck You Louisiana!' I recount my experiences with Deridder, LA residents at the local Wally World. To be totally honest, I'm not surprised; but that doesn't mean I can't still be disappointed.

So I was standing in the checkout line, minding my own business when one of the locals pushed her cart up behind me and jammed it firmly into my hip. I turned around to see who had hit me, and she gave me a look like I was the asshole and said "Whut?". I asked if she could back up a bit, to which she replied by backing the cart up all of a millimeter. I thought it was over at this point; WRONG!

As I stepped forward and started loading bagged items into my cart, the bitch pushed the cart into my side again. Only this time, she was now blocking the credit card screen by about two and a half feet. When I finished loading my bags, I turned back and asked her politely if she would back up so I could swipe my card. She responded with "Whut? You can reach it."

It was at this point that I gave up on being polite, and told her (and I quote) "ok, then I can stand here with my credit card and wait for you to back your fat ass up. whats it going to be Jabba?". Her jaw dropped as she stared for a second, then she frowned and made a face and moved back a couple inches.

I pulled out my cell phone and checked the time and told her "still waiting princess". She snarled again and moved back a foot.

I rolled my eyes and told her "can we move this along?". She about lost it, "what the fuck!? pay for your shit already!".

"I would if you would drag your ass backward another foot! Is that really so hard for you tubby?". She looked like she wanted to strangle me, but she finally stepped back another foot, at which I returned to my normal politeness and thanked her kindly. I stood in front of the counter and promptly whipped exact change for the transaction, handed it the cashier (who laughed), smiled and left the building.

The end.

FUCK YOU LOUISIANA!!
Sincerely, me

Wallace Eye Surgery, Alexandria Louisiana

Today on "Fuck You Louisiana!" we detail the latest in shitty Ophthalmologists (thats eye doctors for us lay people) in our review of Wallace Eye Surgery in Alexandria Louisiana! The short version is they are lazy and minipulative, but I'll elaborate in a bit.

The Good Things: None that I know of. Seriously. There may be college degrees involved, but that doesnt make these people any more friendly (especially not for us active duty personnel on tricare). For all I know they may do good things for anyone with civilian health insurance, but I'm not one of those people. If you are military, and on Tricare, stay FAR FAR AWAY.

Shitty things/Summary: Don't even come here; they don't care about you or your families health, and they know that the government will pay for the appointment either way so they don't give a shit. They turned my daughters hour long eye exam into a 4 hour nightmare (half of which was because the doctor decided to go on his fucking lunch break instead of doing his job). Next, when I asked them for an explanation, they gave me the run around before finally becoming rude and refusing to tell me any thing until I had a written request for information from Tricare. Finally, despite being active duty and fully covered, they demanded payment up front. I will not be returning; if I have to, I'll drive to San Antonio. I don't know who is more anti-military; the Taliban or Wallace Eye Care and Surgery.

Fuck You Lousiana!
sincerely, me

Combat Zone Firearms Policy - TIME FOR A CHANGE

 

 

 In recent days, the news media has slowly forgot how an Afghan pilot stole the lives of 9 of our best and brightest airmen in an aircraft hangar in Kabul, Afghanistan. Discussion has ranged throughout the firearms community as to how a lone gunman could take down 9 trained personnel with a standard issue sidearm without being ripped or shot to pieces.

The answer to your question is this: DoD and CENTCOM Policy, and shoulder holsters.

Military policy on base/FOB/COP or wherever is that all firearms will be either unloaded at all times, or will not have a round in the chamber unless you are outside the wire. I understand that his cuts down on the number of negligent discharges, but it also restricts your ability to return fire in self defense. It's time for this policy to change, in order to reflect the non-linear state of the modern battlefield. Let us put a full magazine in our pistols, and a round down the tube. There's a safety lever there for a reason; let us take advantage of it.

I also take issue with the way so many staff and support personnel carry their sidearms in godawful, cheaply made shoulder holster. Most of these rancid things are designed more for convenience, than for actually employing your sidearm in defense of your own life. It leads to a culture of complacency in which airmen and soldiers lose focus of the fact that there are people out there trying to kill them. If you absolutely must have a shoulder holster, then we need to issue something less restricting. Blackhawk makes a very high quality shoulder rig for their Serpa line of quick release retention holster; maybe its time for that to become standard issue to anyone carrying an M9. Otherwise, get a belt and a standard holster and carry like you mean it.
 

Simply put, its time for a change.

History Channel Casting Top Shot Season 4!!!!! - what they say, and what it actually means

The History Channel is now casting skilled marksmen for the fourth season of its hit competition show TOP SHOT. The casting call is included below. If you'd like to post it at your organization/club, include it in a newsletter/email blast, or just pass it on to interested folks, please feel free!

The History Channel is now casting a bunch of random wierdos who think they're pretty good with daddys old 1911 and have seen to many seasons of survivor. We are desperate for people who are willing to stand up on national television and turn a perfectly good day at the range into a total drama fest.


THE HISTORY CHANNEL is seeking SKILLED MARKSMEN for SEASON 4 of its hit competition show.

We need 16 warm bodies who can manage not to shoot themselves in the knee while looking good on camera at the same time.

You’ve seen some of America’s best shooters take on the Top Shot challenge, and now it’s time for YOU to join their ranks.


We need you to act like a hormone driven high school student for a month so we can attract outdoors and shooting sports companies to buy advertising. Even though we don't give a rats ass about the second amendment.

With production on season 3 gearing up, The History Channel is NOW CASTING SEASON 4 of its electrifying marksmanship competition show. Producers are looking for anyone with unrivaled shooting skills and a big personality to take on exciting physical challenges with multiple guns and mystery projectile weapons. If you are skilled with a pistol, rifle or any other firearm, you could win $100,000 on TOP SHOT 4.


If you are a self centered jerk, can talk at length about your self-described 'skills', get along poorly with others, and generally act like a teenage cheerleader we need you! Anyone who can spray bullets at larger than life targets and pray that one of them makes contact, you could take home $50,000 after taxes (plus remember the money was received in California, so that's another 10% transfer fee surcharge!).

It doesn’t matter if you’re a professionally trained shooter or a self-taught average Joe or Jane. As long as you’re in good physical shape, have mastered a firearm and can adapt to new weapons and demanding physical situations, you could be America’s next Top Shot.

Anyone is welcome, so long as they fall into our strict criteria for racial and and economic backgrounds. Everything you say and do while on camera becomes property of our network. It will be edited together as we see fit, and then endlessly replayed, analyzed, nitpicked and photoshoped. Any and all disagreements or simple misunderstanding are subject to being thrown way out of proportion in the name of good television. This is not reality. This is reality tv.

Simply email TopShotCasting@gmail.com with your name, city/state, phone number, a recent photo of yourself and a brief explanation of why you are America’s next “Top Shot.” If producers want to follow up, they will contact you for more information. If you have questions, please call our casting hotline: 818-478-4570.


Here is our email address and phone number. We don't actually return calls or answer emails, so don't get your hopes up. We'll probably go through about 40 of these applications before we get tired of it and pick 16 at random, then rig the challenges in one or the other competitors favor until we find one person who won't pull a richard hatch stunt on us. last thing we need is some asshole winning this thing, and then getting caught with 10 dead hookers and a kilo of blow.

Deadline to apply is MAY 20, 2011.

Burris Xtreme Tactical Rifle Scope Rings - Hands on Review

I imagine the most "extreme" feature of these rings was their ability to piss me the fuck off trying to install them. First time around, got them mounted up with a mid-range 3-9x40 Bushnell. First trip to the range and i cant even get a group out of it, much less zero the scope. The rifle and loads have delivered .33moa groups in the past, and the scope hasn't given me any trouble either, so the only new factor here is the rings.

Took it back to the workbench, pulled the scope off and started tinkering. My most noteworthy findings where 1) the base bolts for both rings where set at different depths, which turns out to be the reason point of impact was skewed so far to the right, 2) the rings where only making about 15% contact with the scope. Took me a half hour with a lapping bar and 220 grit compound to get it into the 80-85% range, at which point it became clear I was nearing the point of taking off too much material. I was hoping for at least 90% scope/ring contact, but will settle with what I've got for now. 3) The finish is garbage. It looked tough in the package, but it rubbed up against a strip of velcro on my range bag, which was sufficient to put a big ugly nick in it.

Long story short, I really have no good things to say about these rings. I only bought them out of curiosity, but at this point I've all but written them off. I hope the next range visit finds that all the extra work paid off, but I won't be holding my breath. From now on, I will be sticking with good old American steel. Shame on me for straying from the Leupold PRWs that have treated me so well in the past.

Gangster for good?

So apparently keeping my word makes me a bad person. I was always taught that your word is your bond, but apparently in the world of today that has gone by the wayside. I posted a number of things for sale on a local site (not craigslist, that site sucks imho...), including a pair of Wilson Combat 1911 mags. I know they arent in their original package and that, while near-new, I would be able to get rid of them faster if I marked them down a few bucks. So I did. First person who contacted me offered my asking price, so I said "sure, when and where?". We set a time, and I figured that was that.

I was wrong.

Next person who contacted me offered more than I was asking, but I told them I had already promised them to someone else but that if the first person didnt show, they where next in line. They where ok with that. At first...

Long story short, the first guy shows up right on time and he gets the mags for a great price. I go ahead and mark them "sold" on the website, and no more than 30 minutes later I get an email from the second gentleman asking how much the first guy paid me. I told him, and he became very mad at me and called me a moron for not selling them to him since he had offered 5 bucks more than the other guy.

So I said "Fuck you asshole, Screw off!" and tried my best to slam my cell phone. It's not that I cant use any extra 5 or 10 bucks in my pocket; I can, believe me. But if you think your going to buy me off after I have already given someone else my word, then you are way off the mark. And you're a dick for trying.

It's a shame that people these days think that money can buy anything. The values passed down to us by our grandparents and great grand parents are vanishing faster and faster in a time where they are needed more than ever.

Libya: Just stay the fxxx out of this one

We still have yet to hear a cohesive vision from any of our elected representatives about what the goal is in Libya, and its reaching a point where its just too shady. I understand that Pres. O's advisors are trying to find him his very own Iraq war in order to appeal to the more right-leaning swing voters out there, but this is the equivalent of a Hail Mary into the 50 yard line grand stands. At least with the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, there was a definitive difference between the good guys and bad guys (Afghanistan: Taliban and Al Qaeda bad, Northern Alliance good. Iraq: Saddam bad, coalition good). That is not the case in Libya today.

 On one hand, you have Muammar Qaddafi, who has been a vocal opponent of the United States for the better part of 40 years.The idea of coming to the rescue of one of the few people who has made no secret of his distaste for every single thing the US stands for is distasteful to the utmost extreme. If NATO and/or the United Nations decide to send in peace keepers or whatever else that's their business, but for the United States to contribute military personnel would be like Superman coming to the aide of Lex Luthor. Fuck that shit.
 
On the other side you have the Libyan rebels, who according to latest reports are being supported by none other than AL QAEDA (link). If I really have to explain why that's a disgusting proposition, then you obviously haven't been paying attention to the headlines for the last decade. Did anyone miss the part where these assholes are our sworn enemies, hate everything about us and have been actively trying to kill us ever since they beat the Soviet Union out of Afghanistan?

The short version here is that there is no greener side of the fence here. Both options end up with us allying ourselves to people who have hated us with the utmost intensity for a quarter century or more. If we commit troops to this fight, chances are that both sides will settle their differences for no better reason than to kill Americans. Is that really the kind of peace keeping mission we want to devote our men and material to?