Monday, June 13, 2011

Deridder Walmart Patrons

In this episode of 'Fuck You Louisiana!' I recount my experiences with Deridder, LA residents at the local Wally World. To be totally honest, I'm not surprised; but that doesn't mean I can't still be disappointed.

So I was standing in the checkout line, minding my own business when one of the locals pushed her cart up behind me and jammed it firmly into my hip. I turned around to see who had hit me, and she gave me a look like I was the asshole and said "Whut?". I asked if she could back up a bit, to which she replied by backing the cart up all of a millimeter. I thought it was over at this point; WRONG!

As I stepped forward and started loading bagged items into my cart, the bitch pushed the cart into my side again. Only this time, she was now blocking the credit card screen by about two and a half feet. When I finished loading my bags, I turned back and asked her politely if she would back up so I could swipe my card. She responded with "Whut? You can reach it."

It was at this point that I gave up on being polite, and told her (and I quote) "ok, then I can stand here with my credit card and wait for you to back your fat ass up. whats it going to be Jabba?". Her jaw dropped as she stared for a second, then she frowned and made a face and moved back a couple inches.

I pulled out my cell phone and checked the time and told her "still waiting princess". She snarled again and moved back a foot.

I rolled my eyes and told her "can we move this along?". She about lost it, "what the fuck!? pay for your shit already!".

"I would if you would drag your ass backward another foot! Is that really so hard for you tubby?". She looked like she wanted to strangle me, but she finally stepped back another foot, at which I returned to my normal politeness and thanked her kindly. I stood in front of the counter and promptly whipped exact change for the transaction, handed it the cashier (who laughed), smiled and left the building.

The end.

Sincerely, me

No comments:

Post a Comment